what can you be afraid of …isn’t it dark
unlimited vast and
devoid of any humanity
The void of the universe
are you afraid of this, when you feel lonely, do you feel that you belong to this void, that indeed it is a part of you, that you are here and you are there at the same time, temporarily enjoying this humanity, dual nature of yourself….and then this void and SILENCE, COLD SILENCE
– a question ?
option one, this infinite void wanted to speak so much that it created you to speak…
and from this premise comes:
this infinite silent cold void was not that silent in the end … it definitely had something to say
and so the word is spoken, if fact even nagging your peace ….it rings in the ears, in the multitude of thoughts spreading in all directions….silence – it is not that bad in the end
and perhaps that is not even cold
Or ! it is NOT the void
It can be warm and even hot
it can be very colourful
not silent but have endless whispers
in fact it can be very noisy…. but peacefully and ticklish
as cosy ticklish feather tips or woollen filament – thoughts will comfort you in the warmth of the conscious blanket, fluffy and warm
there can be no void
lets compromise …
It can run 100 000 km an houR
DRRRR DRRRilling the surface
After a couple of circles
You are going to come back
To the same bench
It is another
And all and you are still the same
Went to a launge bar
Legs in the swimming pool
So important that you can puff
In negligence and bored achievement
Looks like you can be just that
And yet is it a pure
Self expression or its functuality
Mocking importance or duality
Every time I construct my reality
The mind twists in its abnormality
Of a neglect as if
And the painful one
Oh please i just want the peace
I keep it closer to the simplicity
Or declare that i am giving up
And the swimming pool
The lounge and this not so crazy fool
Please please leave me the peace
I do want the only thing
With all the wickedness of this world
I want the peace and my place in it.
It is the run It is the run from the dark side The run from yourself This battle Is going to change you Or it is going to kill you Death is a not that bad since you entered this field You must be mad Your enemy is bigger then you No, no Do not look back. It is right behind you It looks just like you, .. You ..can ... win now If you spot the difference
You no longer want any kind of destruction
You only seek to leash it through
So that you can see this sea is being blue
and do it louder!
So that the walls shutter
And the paint falls down
The ceiling cracks
and the floor collapse
Everything jumps up and nails down
Nailing your very common sense
Down to the maddening realization
That all these walls
Meant not to be here !
It is something you either have or you decide not to, like a mirror you reflect it or deflect it,
you are NOT your body
A ginger man
Your kind grip
Won’t push me away
I know that you
With your hair sticking out
Curling in all directions
You can comb it, of course – why not !
But, I will twist it all around
sprinkle with water and the flood
will turn you upside down
and carry you to the fuzzy
We both will find the holes in it, of course
And swim even further
There are many pools
you said..was there a smile ?
– on your knees, I want to see you begging –
not because you have not felt it, but
mocking the nagging thing
with that vulgar reason
crying in your confused heart
– begging is no longer required-
smiling, is all you have left
you Outstripped the nature, look
who is on the knees now
I beg you
in a moving train
and the falling rain
drops are forming
with transparent pain
that familiar figure….
it is you again?
leave me, will you?
came to haunt me here
cannot you see my
no emotion, I
left it all behind
you will no longer find
Full of armour
For though the cowboy falls seven times,
He gets back on the course
He is a real one only after falling
alike Don Quixote, he sees adventures in every coming day
Bored is his enemy
alike Old Izergil, he stumbles through the thousand heart aches
but with the heart full open he marches towards a new day
every single day
He is invincible
‘Alone’ is his enemy
His hands are skilled,
His mind is sharp
He sees right thorough the hearts and weaknesses
He has mercy
for every single heart
Heart by heart
day by day
mystery by mystery
He is invincible.
И если боль тебя не сломает
Ты достигнешь пути
И возможно даже увидишь
Что это всё пустяки
Что это все просто и мило
Даже и не куда спешить
Что землей правит совсем не горе
А простой людский мир
Хотя вполне вероятно что ум твой
И не сможет всего понять
Что заблудет он в такие дебри
И землёй хоть пересыпай
И ведь разум твой может завернуться
В кой неведомый мрак
Заблудиться в нем и заспорить
Может всякий дурак
Как тут свету мне здесь увидеть
Коль мне выпала эта доля, и ведь не знаю
Мне на лево иль на право
Где же путь
Здесь смеются а там пляшут
Что за плут
Мне все шепчет всё игриво
И не вижу я , ать
И один денек а за ним же
Помутнили мне мой рассудок непостоянством вплоть
До того что я метаюсь вихрем
Плоть и в плоть
Эта плоть моя неземная иль совсем не так
Где же дурости тут слыхали ль
Мне словсем как в пах
Ты пожалуйста поверь мне
Ведь все совсем не так
Ты бы сбросил своё похмелье
И прям голым так
Улыбнулся да встряхнулся
и чем голее так
Тем все шире твоя улыбка
Распахнется в такт
Птицей белой тебя отдернет
И присесть никак
Ты запляшешь пожалуй
Ведь так же
Если миром правит всё она же
do not leave her here
In this perplexity and darkness
without anyone to hold on to
in the coldness throughout the day
please, show her
where she can create for you
give her someone
at some place on earth
she wants to be grateful to you for this life
this is all she can bare
rippling through the midair
it sounds so pure and light
that it resonates in your head until the rain pours
after this expanse of mere washed away the last debris
the semiquaver would not seize
it keeps drawing you in
submerge, will you, you have no choice
forsake any attempt to bypass
passing you must through this vortex
of resonating sounds, metamorphosing images and fluid colors
of entertaining words and shifting schemes of paradigms
into the world where anything is possible
let it be my world
The words were echoed in distance ’ out of your mind …you are…out …’
“ Exactly !”- she ventured and smiled-’ because you are IN!’
No one consciously wished to tread that road but curious as she was she decided to go further. No wonder she found herself in a middle of such haphazard chaos that her head went round and round until she wanted to dance. ‘Let me dance’ a girl smiled and made a few volatile twists that brought her even closer to the entry of this grandiose apparition of a house spreading it’s walls all around her. This house was of an enormous height and shape , in fact, she was not even sure whether that was a house, it definitely looked like one, but once she stepped upon a very large ledge, it appeared to be something more akin to a castle.
‘Hm, there are probably so many halls and rooms and adventures’, curiously mused a girl. Thuswise without paying any attention to the inscription above the door, she rushed in and opened it with a loud BANG!
Dancing dancing little lady –
you will find peace one day,
Where?- reason, – once so handy –
You have left it all – TODAY.
The Inscription was of a curious nature indeed, it was tapped on a dark wooden panel and somehow illuminated red light within each letter following:
“ Be where you want, shape what you want, believe in what you want and even if you don’t. want. – gamble with sanity”
As soon as the door closed, she found herself in the centre of a ghostly old mansion beset with many exits and dust-laden hidden passages . Old, dark, mossy walls around her were thoroughly covered by spiderwebs. An innumerable variety of wide paintings framed in solid thick oak were scattered around these walls. Aisha could not see what was painted on those gigantic canvases for they were dusted with time. There was no light coming from the outside, however, it was not dark for the lit candles were on the stands in every corner. A big piano to her left was revealing an invisible door in the shadow. She did not have any fear at all but rather curiosity and so she followed into the first room.
When a girl entered this huge, with high ceiling, vast walls, unusual in its size room, first impression she had that it was very quiet, as quiet as if someone made a bet on silence.
She subconsciously thought,
If I whisper something, I may disturb all these funny letters.
Yes, letters, that was all she could find in that room, there were all possible alphabets, all possible signs and numbers mixed together, they all had little faces and were talking to each other, – but without producing any sound. Aisha could only guess that they were talking from the movements of their letter like, little bodies. They were sitting on top of each other or forming some interesting pyramids. Each letter bent to some other smaller or bigger ones while making a particular emphasis on its own designation. They were as if boasting between themselves, the bigger ones were grouping above those with the smaller bodies, some were motionless and the other were on top of them or pushing or pulling after themselves, some were playing with the others, some were moving their bottom parts and quickly shifting backwards and forwards alike running. They were grouping in some lines and sentences and then as if falling to the other lines and then again regrouping. But as soon as they saw her, they froze and prolonged their tiny bodies towards her.
She whispered: – “Why are you here in this WICKED silence! Don’t you have anything to say!?”
Then suddenly, from the above right corner, a huge letter jumped right in front of her, and another skimmed though her legs- and they both formed irresistibly obvious syllable-“SH”, the other little ones joined them, slipped from somewhere and continued that “SH” with many other petite “h”, forming all together: “ SHhhhhhh…..”
What an impolite, manner less gesture, thought a girl, and said, – “What Do You Mean!”
A line of them appeared right opposite her indignant face and formed-
“ DO NOT SPEAK- WE LOCKED ALL SOUNDS”
‘What a nonsense, how could they lock the sounds, if they are the sounds themselves!’, – she looked to the furthest corner of that room and saw many different jars of all possible sizes and colours and shapes, they all were carefully corked from the top with the gigantic corks and some letters were guarding in front of them and illustrating the inscription : “ WITH THE TRIPLE GLAZE”
That is rather amusing, concerned Aisha , and because she was quite a curious little girl, she irresistibly decided to discover what they were hiding in those jars. Within an instant she concluded that no matter how big were some of these letters, they would not be able to stop her from doing what she intended to do. With one impulsive movement she jumped towards one of the jars and with both of her hands uncorked it. …When right away, impetuously, huge vacuum of the room restricted by walls shuddered and trembled. Girl heard and saw at the same time an unusual swooshing sound of two merging letters “ A” and “h”, falling from the ceiling and producing: “ah”. Then as if passing lengthwise some transmitting shock, all letters uttered the sounds resembling their literal designation. They all created a flow of one, miscellaneous but at the same time integral, echoing and sorrowful melody.
– “What Was that!”- cried out Aisha, shivering from such an unexpected blast. Sadness possessed her as the sad melody echoed through the room. She saw that the letter “A”, which just fell in front of her, was trying to hide itself as if in shame for its demonstrative fall. Few letters were swinging from side to side while others were jumping on their little heads, as if trying to stop that misbehaviour. But Aisha was rather a clever girl too and wised up with no hesitance that she should open another jar, that would cause some other, merrier composition with jubilant sounds. Though as soon as she thought of it, she found herself trapped in the middle of an encircling barricade of tightly squeezed and crowded on top of each other letters. They were all turning and swaying signifying discontent through their movements. Pushed towards the door Aisha managed to turn her head back, just at the moment when it got slammed at her face. A few stiff, statuesque letters appeared frozen and shakeless on the door panel. They stated a non negotiable statement:” DO NOT DISTURB” .
– A rude heap of letters! – cried out Aisha, – “and what a nonsense! No! Letters without sounds – rather cannot be, it is dull and boring to be in a company as nasty as such,”- she sniffed, stomped her foot and turned around. It was then, when she saw a little door to her left with a tiny passage. At once determined to see what might be behind it – she pushed it and heard a sound. Creaking opening sound of a door that was closed for centuries
As soon as a girl entered this room, she found herself in somehow smeared-out, hot and squeezed atmosphere. Pimple like, rounded and vesiculate characters were spread all over the room.
They could be touched and felt right through! So wet! –she thought looking at the transparent somatic colour of a shroud covering all those creatures. They seemed to be swelling from their own general perspiration. Obviously they were in hurry, impatiently waiting for something ?
-“ Who’s NEXT!” – emphasising each syllable, loud and irritable voice rang from the speaker. The speaker was attached to the wall right above Gosha’s ear, so that a shiver run all through her body.
That is not funny! – she mumbled at once. Bewildered and sleepy in this maze she placing her hand on a thin railing stretching from the floor to the ceiling. It was then when she touched someone else’s wet and -salty!( a squeamish thought dashed through her head) hand. And as if stricken by some inside impulse, her hand immediately jerked away. The same happened to that little creature she touched.
Lisa looked around and to her great surprise noticed, that all those characters, covered by the same vicious shroud, nevertheless were trying to squeeze away from each other, separate, as if each of them did not belong there at all.
– Need NOT touching me!- extending “ e”, suddenly screamed the other, – you do not belong here at all !
– For you to know, you… – mind your own business! – said Aisha and immediately decided to leave
A narrow corridor turned and twisted. It lead her further through the passages appearing even narrower further she went. Now and then she glanced around and looked at the bare walls that trapped her. These walls were dusty all the way through. Trying not to have any stains she constantly bent while making her little steps forward. But no matter how hard she was trying to avoid touching – her dress grew gradually darker. Aisha was not walking any longer, she was running. Running in a silly attempt to escape, alas in vain of course for there was no room to escape. She kept running while some strange thoughts kept emerging. It is not until later, she eventually slowed down, then completely stopped hopelessly looking at her utterly stained dress.
‘And why did I enter ! I saw- I saw! These the walls were muddy! ‘
A girl dropped her head in despair, her eyes full with tears, silent ones, she decided to stop.
Shackled off her dress to the ground, cuddled in the corner of the cold floor, she immediately fell asleep.
Perchance she was dreaming for few minutes or so but when she opened her eyes there was no tiredness left.
‘ How can possibly this be ! ‘ – a girl exclaimed, finding her dress to be as clean as never before. In fact it was not in any way different from a new one. She immediately raised in some curious dance and made a circle springing from one foot to the other.
The white, – is searching, searching ….
Always searching for…a stain.
– she seemed to whistle,
But once in drain…. it washes, washes
Washes itself, and comes back to be the same…
An echo was fading away within the depths of the tunnels. She raised on her toes trying to follow the sound when it ceased and left her in silence again. She looked around and found another door yet to be opened.
A girl paused before turning the handle. Stopped and wondered what could be there behind this door. After a minute of hesitation, her impatience took over and she pulled it open. And if she was running through a hall some a shot while ago, now she found herself in a slow immobile condition. Delayed slow- motion state of this room made her breath grew quieter and quieter, movements became more sliding and decelerated to such an extend that it seemed everything was floating. However, in the dim light of the room she could see the silhouettes and shapes of furniture. A desk was right in the centre, assigned to a huge wide spacious window. Few wardrobes gave up their shapes reflecting the moon light suffusing all space. The moon was suspiciously huge suspending all stars around in a bluish night sky. Aisha sat down at the desk to lit the candle. There she noticed a big match which she quickly drew against the scratchy paper. The match sizzled, flared up smothering all room with the light aroma of burning sulphur. She slightly touched a candlewick, the latter immediately lit leaving yellowish slender flame blearing in a veil of warmness. That tiny flame stretched itself skyward with perpetuating strictness and froze in silence of the room. Then she spotted a smooth piece of bamboo paper on the table. It was resting next to a colourful feather planted into the dark and muddy inkpot. Aisha stretched herself towards it, dragged a long feather out of the pot, and palping its soft hairlines stared at the moon. This curious moon was glowing, as if examining that irrepressible progression in the room. Girl looked at the white bamboo piece of paper, suddenly she had an obstinate desire to write something on it. She soaked the feather in ink and slowly began drawing one letter after another:
“ dear you,
I had been always waiting for you and those days when I thought you were gone the only thing I felt was that you were somehow near.
There was an hour when I gave up but my love suspended me. Love was the only thing I wanted to believe in.
Once finished, she immediately raised her eyebrows. Attempting to reread it once again, she drew a candle closer to the window and for some reason glanced at the playful round moon again. At that very second in the window she saw the following. The glittering paper as if projecting itself onto the smooth window glass displayed something completely opposite. Aisha read its reflection :
“who are you,
I don’t wait for you any longer and these nights when I think you are near, the only thing I want is for you to leave.
Hours are passing fast and everything is changing.Love is not a thing and I choose not to believe it.
This moment the candle which was left burning alone on the table caused a disaster. Somehow the flame reached the table and the bamboo pieces were burning now. She rushed towards them but it was too late. Aisha looked at what was now vanishing right in front of her own eyes and managed to distinguish one disappearing line:
“ the expense of spirit in a waste of shame is lust in action and till action lust is…..”
‘What that all could mean at all ! ‘
The room was now devoid of any candle and any light .
‘And yet, perhaps I still have not slept enough, – girl considered. After giving that matter a thought, she came back to her warm bed.
Room within the room.
Sleeping now she realised that she was no longer lying and not even sitting or standing, but somehow in the air!
It was cold and windy. The wind was piercing right through her body, touching every bone and every muscle convulsing against it. It was dark. Above was the sky, beneath was the water. Water was everywhere, and no sight of land. She was flying surrounded by storm. Water was raging, thick drops of rain were hitting her face, her hair was thrown backwards.
She was approaching some gigantic ship.
A ship was deserted, worthlessly fighting against the nature.She flew towards it and carefully stepped on the berth. Rain seemed to be falling even stronger. Aisha could hardly see anything. It seemed that no one was there at all.Why did she come to that ship?